It seems to me that the lines of the playing field for the big discussions we have in our country are far too often drawn out by unconscientious mean bratty people who happen to also be loudmouths.

In particular today, I was thinking about this thing which we in the ethnically european world call "sex" and "sexual attraction." There was a time before abortions and birth control became as modern and convenient as they are today, that there were large groups of loudmouthed inconsiderate people who were making a straw man by combining all the ideas around human affection into this one thing "sex;" some of these antagonists belonged to groups which forbade people to dance with eachother, some of them believed in imposing dress codes much like we see across the middle east today - gender specific rules. There was a problem with families having more kids than they could care for, and then there were children working in dangerous conditions in factories, and there were depressing orphanages of varying types. These moral dualists haughtily believed that they had the solution to it all: We should out and out segregate the genders; and if people were intimidated enough, we could end these social ills.

By the 1960s, the procedure of abortion had become safe for the women, and there was a big trend in North America towards making the practice a routinely available thing. At the same moment, of course, there was a lobby pushed by the more thoughtful folks in society. They found it was very easy to enlist the help of the young adults in encouraging the idea of free touch between adults. After all, these young people had experienced a lot of touch and caressing as kids, and would want to continue in that practice.

But they made a big mistake. They decided to come to the discussion on the same level as the prudes. They decided to accept the straw man portrayal of "sexuality" which had been posited around this discussion. They accepted the idea that all these different concepts could be united in one term: sexual attraction:

wistfulness

longing

affection

desire to commit yourself to someone

desire to nurture

appreciation of beauty

bashfulness

desire to touch and be touched

idealizing about someone

wonderment about the approach a person takes to different situations

And even nearly fifty years later, those of us who are deeper thinkers are still avidly supportive of the trend towards more "sexuality" in our society. The big debate now is around gay marriage.

Come on, people! I think those of us who can see a bit more clearly ought to dispense with this idea of "sexuality" and "sexual attraction." I think this is a misnomer. All the things I mentioned above exist in their own right, and should be experienced and appreciated, without worrying about all the emotional baggage people associate with "sexuality."

We have won, indeed. It's amusing to watch the last bastion of folks who see themselves as "conservative" talk about "culture wars" - because they lost this war long ago. But for us, on the other side, it would seem that ours is a hollow victory. The idea of sexuality tends to push people apart, rather than draw them together. Isn't that ironic?

It's certainly natural that the young among us deep thinking folks long to return to the state of affairs which we had as children - where we cuddled, and wrestled and otherwise enjoyed touching a large number of different people. But we're not going to make any headway by trying to convince people around us to be more "sexual." In fact, our lobby is wearing on the nerves of many people, even though they are entranced by the idea.